Writers' Night Follies

One of the things I really like about Nashville is the writers' nights all over town.  You can find one any night of the week and there are always new ones starting up.  Here, gentle reader, from a writers’ night veteran, are a few observations about writers’ performances, some of the things they do, and an occasional suggestion for anyone who cares.

“I WROTE THIS HERE SONG, AND IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS…” Well, of course it goes like that! He or she wrote it, didn’t they?  They should know exactly how it goes! This line is so hackneyed it’s painful.

“YAK YAK YAK, BLAH BLAH BLAH…” Telling the audience your life history before each song is not a way to gain fans.  Unless you are Jeffery Steele or Craig Wiseman, people don’t really care to know how you got there, all of life’s pitfalls you have endured, or all the minor details of why you wrote the song.  There is some old advice that really applies here: “SHUT UP AND PLAY!”

“I WROTE THIS SONG WITH JOE BLOW 30 YEARS AGO…” First off, no one cares.  Secondly, if you don’t have anything newer, you probably aren’t working at it much.  Third, see above!

“I HAD A REQUEST, BUT I’M GONNA PLAY ANYWAY…” Tired jokes are just that: Tired!  If you don’t have something creative and truly funny to say, then don’t.  See item 2 above.

“I CAN’T REALLY SING OR PLAY, BUT I’M GONNA ANYWAY…” This is like telling the audience you are a rank amateur, but your ego is so big you’re going to make them listen to you in spite of it!  Never, never set yourself up this way.  The audience will surely find reason to believe you!

“I JUST WROTE THIS SONG SITTING AT THE BAR, SO HERE GOES…” This is another way of telling the audience you are an amateur and setting yourself up for criticism.  If you just wrote it 2 hours ago, or two days ago, keep it to yourself.  It doesn’t matter at all to the audience when you wrote it.  They just want to hear a good song.

“I AIN’T PLAYED THIS IN A LONG TIME, HOPE I REMEMBER IT…” If you don’t think you remember it, don’t play it!  And don’t stop in the middle of your song to think about it, then start all over again.  This is highly annoying to the audience, and marks you as an amateur.

“I JUST PUT ON NEW STRINGS, AND THE DANG THINGS WON’T STAY IN TUNE…” Duh!  Never, repeat never, put on new strings just before a gig!  There is nothing more irritating to an audience than listening to you spend half your time tuning, unless its listening to you play out of tune.

I’m sure you can think of others to add to this list.  Feel free to comment with any observations you have!